Undeserved Love

UNDESERVED LOVE.

This has been the theme of my walk with the Lord this last year. I felt the time was right to start talking to other people about it... I feel that simply sharing my story, and what God has taught me over the course of the year in it, here, with you all, might be a way to encourage someone else who has the same struggles with undeserved Love that I have had.

It "began", if you will, early on this year,...
It was a darker season of life for me, I will confess. I was struggling, inwardly, with a lot of different things, but especially image.  .Image. I really want to talk about that, because it is something that ties in so hugely with how we view God's Love. I was struggling with feeling the need to look how the world says we should look physically. There is so much pressure that is put on us by the world to look a certain way as women, and,...dare I say this?... often, even more so, from Christians who say that if we don't look a certain way before God we are less spiritual or not as worthy. Trust me, it really happens. I also struggled feeling that my image was what defined me as an individual. I felt that if I looked a certain way, if people saw me as fitting into a certain "mould", then maybe I could be worthy enough. But after months of feeling so unworthy, and chasing after something that never gives, only asks for more and more,... I came to a very broken place, and I knew I needed God's help and Love. I remember getting on my knees and crying out to God, telling Him I didn't know if He could ever Love me because I felt so unworthy... and that I needed Him to heal me and bring me through this. And I remember kneeling there believing God was going to turn me away and condemn me; and then in the stillness He started speaking to me:
"Tawney, I have created you in My Image, and I will not give that glory to another. You are My Child, and I Love you, and want to make you like Me. Even if you view yourself as  broken, desolate and forsaken, I say that you are Loved, cherished, and beautiful. As it says in My word, 'Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken, neither shall thy land anymore be termed Desolate; but thou shalt be called Hephzibah, and thy land Beulah; for the LORD delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married.' (Isaiah 62:4). I want to change your name. You are Hephzibah, 'My delight'. "
The Lord used that verse out of Isaiah to completely revolutionize the way I viewed myself in Christ, as well as the Love of God. The chapter of Isaiah 62 talks about how the children of Israel gave themselves "names" as to how they viewed themselves,... such as Forsaken and Desolate. But God says that He wants to change their names, and change their view of themselves to Hephzibah and Beulah. HEPHZIBAH means "My delight is in her." When I first realized that, I was truly overwhelmed. How could God take delight in someone like me? And yet, He said He did... and I was
completely wrecked by that. And it was only when I began accepting that God Loved me unconditionally - no matter what I looked like or how I felt- was when I actually began healing in that area of my life... But it is something that you must accept and let yourself be changed by. God had to use the TRUTH of those verses to change a distorted view I had, by me reading that verse everyday for quite a while, and really putting those truth's in the forefront of my walk with Him. God's Word is what will change us, nothing else. And that truth will set us free in Christ-- and I can honestly say now that the Lord has set me free from that. Yes, there are still struggles as times; but whenever I face that now I turn to God to define my worth, and what His word and Love says I am in Him. It has been so sweet to walk with Him like this; to know that I am truly Loved and delighted in by God. My invitation to you is to do the same. I don't know what names you give yourself,... if it's cutter, eating disorder, depressed, runaway,... maybe it is simply Forsaken and Desolate. But whatever names you give yourself, that is not how God view you. You are His Child, created in His image, and He wants full restoration for you. He wants to take your view of yourself and of how He loves you, and make you like Him... He wants to make you a Hephzibah; His delight. Will you accept what He has done for you? Will you accept the Love and Blood of the Cross that has covered you and be restored, redeemed (even as a saved individual there still is need for redemption in our life!), recreated in Him? Accept it. God is waiting for you with open arms. He Loves you. Will you accept that and become His Hephzibah?

More coming soon,...

Love,
Tawney Rae
Isaiah 62:4

Catching Up,...

Just thought I'd do a more random, heart-to-heart-, over a cup-o'-coffee type of post for you all,... I'm sure you all are sick of hearing me yelling on my blog and could use a break! :) Now that doesn't mean the new series is going to be cancelled,... trust me, it's coming,... :) Just thought I'd give you all a breather here, and let you know what's been going on in this crazy head... big and small, serious and sort of silly. :) SO,...

......


"So long as our Lord is first served."
-Joan of Arc

These words have been on my Heart quite a bit the last few days. I think I am realizing more and more how everything must be given over to Christ -even the "harmless" acts- and must be done in the way that will bring Him glory and honour above all. I want my Lord to be served first; above the desires of my Heart, my dreams, my needs and wants-- it must be Christ in the center and forefront of all things. "So long as our Lord is first served," all things may be done as unto Christ, and in a spirit that pleases our Lord and Master. May our Lord be first served. <3


As to my life in general,... I'm being reminded that everything has it's season. I think I'm coming into sunshine in some areas, though, and am learning so much from things God has just brought me through. Everything is in His perfect timing... and when we learn to accept that in faith,... oh wow, is it a blessed life we can lead! Nothing will last forever, though, and we must remember it's only for a season-- so keep looking up! <3
......
Life has been crazy and joyful,... did I say I'm learning the Clarinet and am LOVING it? Yup. Another musically-related thing to keep me busier than ever. :) It's good though. EXCEPT for when the tip of your reed breaks in Band class, and you get A SLIVER IN YOUR TONGUE. Seriously. I actually got a sliver in my tongue from my reed-- either I am really that blonde, or that was the funkiest reed that ever was made. At least I can say I am getting my battle-wounds from the Clarinet and am working hard at it!!! :)

Daddy gave me a Purity ring for my 16th birthday. It was my Mama's when she was 16. A very sweet gesture, I thought. <3 I love my Daddy. <3

I went to Ross Lake Sun-Wed. of last week with my cousin and grandparents. We had so much fun. And I caught a fishy. Yes, I did keep him. :) I'm thinking some lemon, onion, butter and salt on him might be pretty tasty,... :)

I'm reading Isaiah in my Bible-reading. It's been good. I always love the book of Isaiah. I know, it is confusing, but it's my favorite book in the Bible. It always keeps me thinking, and the Lord always speaks to me out of it whenever I read it. I don't know what it is, I just love it. <3


I want to go to a different country quite a lot right now. I have always been the type of person who would love to travel, but,... right now I think I am getting a pretty bad case of "wanting an adventure" syndrome. I get that every now and then. It can be pretty bad. I have made up a list of all the places I want to go to, too,... yup... someday I'll see them all. Here's some of them (I only say some because it would be easy for me to forget a few with how many places I want to go to,...)

1. Travel the U.S.-- esp. WA, D.C. area.
2.Paris, France, Italy-- all in one shot. Climb the Eiffel Tower, every single step of it. :)
3.Tour India-- visit where Amy Carmichael started her orphanage home/her grave/William Carey's historical home. Also tour through Bangladesh.
4.Rome. Visit the Vatican. Oh, and the Catacombs.
5.Belgium.
6.Austria.
7.Scotland and Ireland. Want to do a lot of sight-seeing.
8.Germany.
9.Greece. Want to do a lot of sight-seeing/"live" in the culture a little while there.
10.The Caribbean Islands.
11.Mt.Kilimanjaro.

So there is part of my bucket list of places to go,... and I really would like to go now. :) Just sayin'. :)

I'm going to be doing *Sweet Sixteen* pictures with Mrs.Fuller soon. So excited for that. It'll be fun. Callie and I are planning some really CRAZY ones too, so keep an eye out for photos I may be (or she might on "the book face thing" ) posting here soon,... <3 :)

God is really enabling me to open up on some areas of my life lately, and it's been really good for me. It's so good to be able to talk to other people about what God is doing in your life or what He has taught you in the past. God is GOOD. <3

And last, but not least,...
I turned 16 last week. <3

And I should really, really get off of here, and go make myself a cup of tea. I need Tea. <3

Love, LOVE, LOVE,
XOXOXOX,
Tawney Rae <3

The Right To Life.

The Right to Life.

Amen.

Love, Tawney Rae

About "I Need You to Love Me"...

This is Alyssa Barlow speaking before "I Need You To Love Me,". The message of this song really made an impact on my life this last year, and I just felt I needed to share this video of her speaking about it with you all. Please listen with an open Heart. <3

I was re-watching this tonight for some encouragement, and her words on Mary were such a blessing. She sacrificed so much, her unstained reputation even, to do what God had laid before her. She accepted that. "She made a sacrifice because the promise was so much greater"-- and I say amen to that. There are things that we as individuals have to look at Christ and say,...
"Yes, I will accept what You have given me out of Your Love, even though noone will understand it and it risks everything I have. Yet I know You are faithful, and your promises are true and will not fail. I will believe that all You have said will come to pass, according to the words of Luke 1:45, and be blessed by the promise You give as an expected end to this. I accept this with a willing Heart, and ask You to simply Love me and keep me as I continue to follow Your will".
Are you willing to step out and accept such Love that asks so much? He is ready to give us such dreams, such visions, things that He has planned for us that we don't deserve,... and though it will bring risk to ourselves, His Love for us gives us a Promise to comfort us through it all. We don't deserve this-- yet, oh, how He loves us. Will you say yes to such Love?

"I need You to Love me, and I,... I won't keep my Heart from You this time. And I'll stop this pretending that I can somehow deserve what I already have..."

Love,
Tawney Rae
Isaiah 62:4

The beauty of the LORD,...

"And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it."
-Psalms 90:17

<3 always,
XOXOX,
Tawney Rae

Be good to you,...

BE GOOD TO YOU...

"Be yourself, truthfully,
Accept yourself, gratefully,
Value yourself, joyfully,
Forgive yourself, completely,
Treat yourself, generously,
Balance yourself, harmoniously,
Bless yourself, abundantly,
Trust yourself, wholeheartedly,
Empower yourself, prayerfully,
Give yourself, enthusiastically,
Express yourself, radiantly."
-Tracey Steffey

Love,
Tawney rae <3

Love Letters

"There must be thousands of people around the world that never get ANY love letters,...
I could be there leader..."
-Charlie Brown

This quote makes me smile. :) Can any of you other singles relate to this? ;)

Love,
Tawney Rae <3

I believe in Love...

As I read in my devotional today, I was thinking of what was written for the day, and ended up scribbling something about it onto a piece of paper because of it,... I thought I would share it with you all.

"These circumstances, situations, etc. do not make your calling of no effect. The promises God has given are still true, no matter what may scream otherwise-- for God is ever true, from everlasting to everlasting. Rather, they define the power that God will display in the valley, as He works past these things to His ultimate goal for you, and the glory that awaits for the one who stays faithful until the Mount. The greater the trial, the more room for possible Heartache, destrucion, and desolation, the greater the cause for praise; for God in this will then show Himself yet mightier then before in your life."

Don't doubt Him! If He has called you to something, He will see you through to fulfill that call. If He has promised something, He will fulfill that promise within His time, whether or not you FEEL that could ever be fulfilled if things "go wrong" with your situation in life. Don't let these things make you doubt. Just believe. Know that the darkness of this trial is so God's glory may be revealed in a fuller, deeper way for you than before. Trust what He has said to be true.
Along those lines,...


There's a story I heard about a man that was held in a concentration camp in Germany during the war. When the war was over, people went into the cells where the men were kept, and they found a quote written by him into the wall. It simply said this,

"I believe in the sun even when it's not shining;
I believe in Love even when I don't feel it;
And I believe in God even when He is silent."

That was all they knew about him... only what Truth he left on the wall. And to be honest, that quote really moved me, because so often when I go through a trial that is the last thing I'm thinking about writing onto my wall,... and I'm not being silly when I say that. Seriously. And instead of letting those dark walls overcome him, he turned to those dark walls that were meant to hold him in, and wrote who our God is, and will always be, whether or not he felt it. If you are in a valley, and you are wondering whether or not you are going to ever make it out,... you wonder if the sun is still shining,... I want you to know that God is saying, the sun is still shining. God is still with you, He still Loves you no matter what you've done, or what's been done to you; God is not done with you. He hasn't abandoned you, rather He is searching you out to redeem you from where you are at in life. He wants you to be fully restored from this valley. But if you are in that valley-time right now, you must speak the truth of God to the things that are holding you back. You have to face the darkness with the Truth of God. Speak the promises to the things that make you doubt.
Don't doubt. God is faithful. Just believe.

Love,
Tawney Rae <3

Better Water

Hello everyone!

So sorry this has been so long delayed in coming. Life has just been too busy for blogging. Not that blogging doesn't have it's place,... it just has been too busy to sit down and feel energized enough to write you a half-decent post, or want to ramble about doing school. It's a season I'm in, I suppose. Not that I'm lacking in inspiration. I feel it's been the opposite lately; that I am simply overflowing with inspiration in my Bible-reading,
writing, etc. but there hasn't been a time, or place to let it flow over from the thoughts to the words. It's been good for me, though, in ways. I'm learning to mull over the thoughts and things I'm learning/recieving more, instead of hurriedly putting them to paper or action. And what I've realized is that those things mature more when I don't spew them out at the exact moment I've recieved them or thought of them, if that makes sense to any of you. I'm simply learning to DIG DEEPER.
But that doesn't mean that that is easy. Growth never is. There's always pain involved, and the pruning shears of a Loving Husbandmen who cuts away the old, dead branches that are hindering our ability to bear fruit (I was reading John 15 last night. So good). Sometimes it means that He is going to let us have some sort of dryness in the season around us, but it is only so we dig deeper to find BETTER WATER to drink from. There is a story of two types of vines in a vineyard I heard just recently. One is a vine that they water constantly, but by the third or fourth year it has to be thrown out because it has been watered so much... leaving it with only a short-period fruit-bearing season. The other vine lasts ten to fifteen years. And this vine is not watered so much, causing stress to it and forcing it to stretch further into the ground. This causes a vine that has to go deeper to find natural water. And I realized something. Maybe these dryer seasons when we are waiting for that "sound of abundance of rain" that Elijah speaks of, are so that we will dig deeper to find fresh, natural, living water. Maybe you aren't getting very watered. Maybe that is God trying to grow you, and make you a Vine that will last to bear Him an abundance of fruit. Maybe He wants you to dig deeper. He could take all this away in a moment, but that will not be best for us in our growth. He wants to grow us, and He is not going to sacrifice your calling and development for yor personal comfort. "For Zion's sake will I not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem's sake I will not rest, until the righteousness go forth as brightness, and the salvation thereof as a lamp that burneth."
-Isaiah 62:1 He will not rest until you are the woman or man of God He has called and destined for you to be.
You may feel God has left you. But that is not the case. He is doing this so you can draw closer to Him. This is His way of taking what is Desolate and Forsaken and making it something that is a delight and yeilds fruit, if we let God makes us into what He would have us to be. "Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shall thy land anymore be termed Desolate: but thou shalt be called Hephzibah, and thy land Beulah: for the LORD delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married."-Isaiah 62:4 Hephzibah means "My delight is in her". This is the God who Loves and cares for you and is doing this so you can be made even more after His image.
And your fruit bearing season will come in time. Only recently I was talking to someone who told me she thought that she couldn't see things changing with situations around her, and that she had been trying for so long to bear fruit in areas she was supposed to be caring for, and nothing seemed to be giving,... but from the bottom of my Heart I want to say this: your season is coming. The principle of sowing and reaping is still true. Don't pull back. Don't pull back. Keep pressing in and searching for that natural water. You will reap in time. Even if the people around you are not responding, even if situations and circumstances continue on so dry right now, there is a reward in the end in the hand of the Lord, so keep digging deeper. God has said in His word "The LORD hath sworn by His right hand, and by the arm of his strength, Surely I will no more give thy corn to be meat for thy enemies; and the sons of the stranger shall not drink thy wine, for the which THOU HAST LABOURED: BUT THEY THAT HAVE GATHERED IT SHALL EAT IT, AND PRAISE THE LORD; and they that have brought it together shall drink it in the courts of my holiness." -Isaiah 62:8-9
Don't pull back. Keep growing. God says that if you labour for this, you will reap it, and be able to rejoice in that time. For now, though, dig deeper, and find that better water.

I Love you all, and am praying for each and every one of you during the different seasons of life we all are facing. Let's all go to Him and drink from the Water of Life!

Love,
Tawney Rae <3